And made me cry.
Saturday, August 09, 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Prayer
Dear God, God forgive me of my sins. I believe in my heart that Jesus died and rose again for my sins. I surrender to you God, I want to know you more. Lord have your way in me. ... In Jesus name, Amen!
Confess with you mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus died on the cross and rose again for our sins so that we may have eternal life.
From the heart
God I need you to be with me through all of this. I am afraid. I am feeling a lot of pain and confusion God. But I know you have everything under control, and I know that you love me. I know that whatever I am going through you can use for your glory.
Let your will be done.
Have my heart God, you will be my refuge, my helper, my peace, my love, my protector, my father, my God.
I do not need anyone else but you God.
Lord I need you.
People come and go, times change, we grow and things are frightening. I am so scared of being alone, I am scared of things around me changing beyond recognition, to the point where I have no one close to me. But in those moments Jesus remind me that I am never alone. I know that you are with me.
I do not need anyone else but you God.
Lord I need you.
Let your will be done.
Have my heart God, you will be my refuge, my helper, my peace, my love, my protector, my father, my God.
I do not need anyone else but you God.
Lord I need you.
People come and go, times change, we grow and things are frightening. I am so scared of being alone, I am scared of things around me changing beyond recognition, to the point where I have no one close to me. But in those moments Jesus remind me that I am never alone. I know that you are with me.
I do not need anyone else but you God.
Lord I need you.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Tuesday, July 01, 2014
5 Things About Me
Hey everyone,
In this video I introducing myself and telling you 5 things about me.
Please like, leave me some feedback, and subscribe
Blog Links:
www.puretreasure.wordpress.com
www.aninspiredday.blogspot.com
Than you for watching,
Have a beautiful day.
Larimarx3
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
My journey in fashion designing
Hey Ladies, and Gents,
Please comment and let me know what you think.
-
This is an old video of mine. Thank you.
Love Larix3
Love Larix3
Monday, June 23, 2014
Tuition
Great day.
I loved my 1st college, It was a Christian Private school, and they were a great community of people. I made friends there, and learned a lot of things. It was definitely a blessing at a time where I was totally clueless, and thought no college would ever accept me.
I've always had an issue with failure, I don't like to fail. Applying to private colleges there was always a chance of no one choosing me, and it felt like setting myself up for failure.
(Even though I have been an honor student since elementary)
That always played a role when it came to applying to schools. The other part of the problem when applying was procrastination. I never applied to middle school, they chose me, high school, they chose me, and college, well they chose me also. I had to fill out an application, but I was pretty much guaranteed the position. It was an awesome feeling because I had heard great things about this college, and I wanted to be in there.
It was beautiful, the classes were awesome and I did learn alot, they also had church services and prayer so it helped me in my faith.
But I had an issue that quickly became a problem, Tuition. It should have been explained a little better to me, and I should have prayed about it more before making a decision to get into the school. Unfortunately, I had to transfer because it was too expensive for me. I totally loved the classes and the people, and the praying, christian community that the school had, but why did it have to be soo expensive?.
So now here I am 2 years later paying tuition. My loans interest charges going up by the month, and a loan under my mothers name, which might mess with her credit if I don't pay it soon. BAD
While in the school, I commuted, paying metro card fees, paying for expensive books, and I had to have extra classes that were required for the private school, which were not part of my major. Those credits did not transfer when I transferred. Out of my 31 credits only 15 were accepted. The school had mostly adults, and I wanted to be in a school with a lot of clubs, and extracurricular activities, and they were lacking that. Now I am in a community college and in that college I got accepted into a program that gives me monthly metro cards, pays for my books, and pays for whatever financial aid does not pay. It is so much of a blessing. I am in a dance club, and a bible study club.
So was it worth going to the other school? I am not sure. A great experience? Yes it was. Would I do it again? uhhh probably, but then want to transfer again.
I hate owing money, so now that I am in another college, and practically in it for free, I am trying to pay everything off. I do not want to have to deal with this after I graduate. I didn't know that so much was accumulating, and how real it is to have a loan that is due for payments.
So, yea today I am proud of myself.
I tackled part of my tuition! (insert balloons here) 1 down 2 more to go.
I paid my school the full amount, and now I can get my Official Transcript :) I still have loans for the state that need to be paid, but are currently on forbearance.
Ladies and gentleman, please be very well informed before entering a school. Have a plan, and do not just go for the shiny parts of the school because you can get those first few core classes anywhere. Like an alternate, cheaper, community school where you can finish the core classes, and then transfer to whatever school you want to complete your major. If you'd rather go to the private school first, then do some research on scholarships, and programs that you might qualify for.
It is a major Save.
Love LariX3
I loved my 1st college, It was a Christian Private school, and they were a great community of people. I made friends there, and learned a lot of things. It was definitely a blessing at a time where I was totally clueless, and thought no college would ever accept me.
I've always had an issue with failure, I don't like to fail. Applying to private colleges there was always a chance of no one choosing me, and it felt like setting myself up for failure.
(Even though I have been an honor student since elementary)
That always played a role when it came to applying to schools. The other part of the problem when applying was procrastination. I never applied to middle school, they chose me, high school, they chose me, and college, well they chose me also. I had to fill out an application, but I was pretty much guaranteed the position. It was an awesome feeling because I had heard great things about this college, and I wanted to be in there.
It was beautiful, the classes were awesome and I did learn alot, they also had church services and prayer so it helped me in my faith.
But I had an issue that quickly became a problem, Tuition. It should have been explained a little better to me, and I should have prayed about it more before making a decision to get into the school. Unfortunately, I had to transfer because it was too expensive for me. I totally loved the classes and the people, and the praying, christian community that the school had, but why did it have to be soo expensive?.
So now here I am 2 years later paying tuition. My loans interest charges going up by the month, and a loan under my mothers name, which might mess with her credit if I don't pay it soon. BAD
While in the school, I commuted, paying metro card fees, paying for expensive books, and I had to have extra classes that were required for the private school, which were not part of my major. Those credits did not transfer when I transferred. Out of my 31 credits only 15 were accepted. The school had mostly adults, and I wanted to be in a school with a lot of clubs, and extracurricular activities, and they were lacking that. Now I am in a community college and in that college I got accepted into a program that gives me monthly metro cards, pays for my books, and pays for whatever financial aid does not pay. It is so much of a blessing. I am in a dance club, and a bible study club.
So was it worth going to the other school? I am not sure. A great experience? Yes it was. Would I do it again? uhhh probably, but then want to transfer again.
I hate owing money, so now that I am in another college, and practically in it for free, I am trying to pay everything off. I do not want to have to deal with this after I graduate. I didn't know that so much was accumulating, and how real it is to have a loan that is due for payments.
So, yea today I am proud of myself.
I tackled part of my tuition! (insert balloons here) 1 down 2 more to go.
I paid my school the full amount, and now I can get my Official Transcript :) I still have loans for the state that need to be paid, but are currently on forbearance.
Ladies and gentleman, please be very well informed before entering a school. Have a plan, and do not just go for the shiny parts of the school because you can get those first few core classes anywhere. Like an alternate, cheaper, community school where you can finish the core classes, and then transfer to whatever school you want to complete your major. If you'd rather go to the private school first, then do some research on scholarships, and programs that you might qualify for.
It is a major Save.
Love LariX3
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Health Motivation Maybe?
Need help getting up to exercise?
Maybe you don't exercise regularly but you know you should. Or maybe you're having a low day and not feeling the energy.
If you want to feel amazing, a healthy glow, a flat stomach, skinnier legs, and awesome energy you have to exercise and eat healthy.
Forget about diets, they hardly work, get a lifestyle that will last.
CONTROL YOUR HEALTH, DO NOT LET YOUR HEALTH CONTROL YOU.
SO EXERCISING? Just get it done. Find some inspiring videos if you have to, read more blogs or medical studies, but nothing will make up for getting up and exercising. It may not be easy, but it will become easier, as it becomes a habit.
Our society is totally unhealthy and unfortunately I am on that end of the spectrum. I have decided to make a change. I have definitely tried before to start a healthy journey, but I get sidetracked because It seemed so hard. Finding healthy food is tough around where I live, and they are expensive. For exercise? I consider my travel to school on the NYC transit system a exercise. I'm usually going out early in the morning so I have no time for a jog, and when I come home it's too late to go out plus I am tired.
But what I have learned is that when you really want to do something, you find a way. So..
Find a way.
The desire has to come from within, and we have to be our own motivation to start and continue a healthy journey.
We have unlimited amounts of fast foods, but then the healthy foods are hard to find -_- . hmmm I wonder why most of the population is overweight.
HAVE SOME SELF CONTROL PLEASE.
We need to start taking control of our own bodies, and taking matters into our own hands. THAT'S HOW WE ACHIEVE ANYTHING IN LIFE.
These are a couple of videos that motivated me soooo much. I just have to get it done.
My goal: Get fit, stay fit. The healthy way.
My steps to health?
1) I have joined a dance club at my college. They are pretty awesome, non judgmental, and I feel great dancing with them. I have have a family that loves to dance, so I have danced at parties, and I have taken dance lessons before when I was younger so I am okay at dancing. I have two issues though, I have a hard time remembering the moves right away. While everyone is already doing them, I have to go home and practice them so that I can come next practice ready to move. But I know with practice it will get easier, And I need to be confident in the moves, adding some attitude.
2) Eating smaller portions. Our stomach is only as big as a balled up fist. So a lot of the things we eat are too much for us, and we don't even know it. Of course our bodies are going to stretch if we feed it more than enough. Eat the amount you need, other than that, It becomes gluttony.
3) Incorporated Jogging again. I will take up jogging again, I love the way it feels after you have been jogging consistently for a few days. just starting, it is a pain, but over time, it becomes an obsession, and I can't wait. I have gone out already with my nephew and niece, and just jogged around a large court at a park about 10 times.
4) Health isn't only about your weight, there is also inner, and outer health.
Inner health: I am reading the Bible, praying more frequently, spending time with God. I am also learning to love myself the way I am, to accept everything about myself, including defaults. I am trying to have more self control, self motivation, and self love, and acceptance. Following the commandment " Love thy neighbor" It isn't easy, but it is one of the most important ones! God says so.
Outer health: Also translated as outer beauty. Taking care of my appearance, my body, skin, and hair. I have developed a new hobby, Make up. I am loving it. I don't use make up, I hardly wear lip gloss, but I have become fascinated with make up and the colors, and variations. I bought make up brushes, eyeliners, mascara, lipstick, and eye shadows. And I have been playing around with make up :).
I also just got bangs. They frame my face beautifully, but I am still not used to them. They make my forehead itch, and they feel like curtains. I got a relaxer on m hair, IDK why but I did. I like the way it looks, but I miss my curls, and I have to be extra careful with relaxed hair. I am even afraid to get into a pool this summer.
As I start felling better, I start to look better. I went shopping for shoes and clothing, and think I have been looking real cute these past few days.
One thing I had to realize was that I have to be healthy, for me, not for anyone else, and I have to love myself for me, and what I wear doesn't have to look good to anyone but me. If I like it, then I wear it. If I have something to say, then say it because my words matter. They matter to me. Confidence ;)
Love on others xD Believe in Yourself.
Maybe you don't exercise regularly but you know you should. Or maybe you're having a low day and not feeling the energy.
If you want to feel amazing, a healthy glow, a flat stomach, skinnier legs, and awesome energy you have to exercise and eat healthy.
Forget about diets, they hardly work, get a lifestyle that will last.
CONTROL YOUR HEALTH, DO NOT LET YOUR HEALTH CONTROL YOU.
SO EXERCISING? Just get it done. Find some inspiring videos if you have to, read more blogs or medical studies, but nothing will make up for getting up and exercising. It may not be easy, but it will become easier, as it becomes a habit.
Our society is totally unhealthy and unfortunately I am on that end of the spectrum. I have decided to make a change. I have definitely tried before to start a healthy journey, but I get sidetracked because It seemed so hard. Finding healthy food is tough around where I live, and they are expensive. For exercise? I consider my travel to school on the NYC transit system a exercise. I'm usually going out early in the morning so I have no time for a jog, and when I come home it's too late to go out plus I am tired.
But what I have learned is that when you really want to do something, you find a way. So..
Find a way.
The desire has to come from within, and we have to be our own motivation to start and continue a healthy journey.
We have unlimited amounts of fast foods, but then the healthy foods are hard to find -_- . hmmm I wonder why most of the population is overweight.
HAVE SOME SELF CONTROL PLEASE.
We need to start taking control of our own bodies, and taking matters into our own hands. THAT'S HOW WE ACHIEVE ANYTHING IN LIFE.
These are a couple of videos that motivated me soooo much. I just have to get it done.
My goal: Get fit, stay fit. The healthy way.
My steps to health?
1) I have joined a dance club at my college. They are pretty awesome, non judgmental, and I feel great dancing with them. I have have a family that loves to dance, so I have danced at parties, and I have taken dance lessons before when I was younger so I am okay at dancing. I have two issues though, I have a hard time remembering the moves right away. While everyone is already doing them, I have to go home and practice them so that I can come next practice ready to move. But I know with practice it will get easier, And I need to be confident in the moves, adding some attitude.
2) Eating smaller portions. Our stomach is only as big as a balled up fist. So a lot of the things we eat are too much for us, and we don't even know it. Of course our bodies are going to stretch if we feed it more than enough. Eat the amount you need, other than that, It becomes gluttony.
3) Incorporated Jogging again. I will take up jogging again, I love the way it feels after you have been jogging consistently for a few days. just starting, it is a pain, but over time, it becomes an obsession, and I can't wait. I have gone out already with my nephew and niece, and just jogged around a large court at a park about 10 times.
4) Health isn't only about your weight, there is also inner, and outer health.
Inner health: I am reading the Bible, praying more frequently, spending time with God. I am also learning to love myself the way I am, to accept everything about myself, including defaults. I am trying to have more self control, self motivation, and self love, and acceptance. Following the commandment " Love thy neighbor" It isn't easy, but it is one of the most important ones! God says so.
Outer health: Also translated as outer beauty. Taking care of my appearance, my body, skin, and hair. I have developed a new hobby, Make up. I am loving it. I don't use make up, I hardly wear lip gloss, but I have become fascinated with make up and the colors, and variations. I bought make up brushes, eyeliners, mascara, lipstick, and eye shadows. And I have been playing around with make up :).
I also just got bangs. They frame my face beautifully, but I am still not used to them. They make my forehead itch, and they feel like curtains. I got a relaxer on m hair, IDK why but I did. I like the way it looks, but I miss my curls, and I have to be extra careful with relaxed hair. I am even afraid to get into a pool this summer.
As I start felling better, I start to look better. I went shopping for shoes and clothing, and think I have been looking real cute these past few days.
One thing I had to realize was that I have to be healthy, for me, not for anyone else, and I have to love myself for me, and what I wear doesn't have to look good to anyone but me. If I like it, then I wear it. If I have something to say, then say it because my words matter. They matter to me. Confidence ;)
Love on others xD Believe in Yourself.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Mother's day
Thank you Jesus, for my mother. Today is not mother's day yet, but I would like to take this day, tomorrow, and every other day to honor her. Mother's day shouldn't be the only day to show love to our mothers. They are not all perfect but I can't imagine not having the love of a mother, and I can't imagine my life without being by my mothers side. She has been my strength, my encouragement, my heart, she taught me how to dream, how to love, and how to treat others kindly.
My mother is a great woman. She raised four smart, amazing girls all on her own in rough parts of New York City, until I was born and my Dad came around and raised me with her.
There's nothing she had to do for me to love her, It's unconditional. She never graduated from high school, she doesn't work, we don't live in a house, she's just a full time mom, and that's enough to love her, she gave us a lot of love, care and attention.
So I just wanted to take this time to appreciate my mother, and thank God for her. I also pray that all mothers who had the courage to raise their kids and took up that full time job, begin to feel appreciated, loved, and honored more.
The same goes for fathers also by the way. Some people may not have their mother in their life anymore, and their father was their mother, so take mothers day as a day to honor your father as well. They deserve it.
Watch this awesome video about mothers:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/worlds-toughest-job-ad-american-fake-job-interview-23334187
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Happy 20th to me!
Leaving my teenage years behind is a little emotional.
I'm heading into a new age of more responsibility, hard work, and freedom.The 20's. And with that comes happiness, fear, excitement, wonder, hopefulness...
It can be awesome! There's a whole world out there to experience, people to meet, things to learn, and places to travel! It's a big world with a lot of beautiful places, that I've never seen, or even heard about. It's exciting that now I can exercise my freedom of choice more and I can explore freely without having to be home at a certain time, (even though I still want to be home at a certain time).
It's an age where a lot of questions come up; I call it an identity crisis, that's the way it seems. I want to know more about the world, and about myself and gain a lot of knowledge, because knowledge is power.
The mind opens up a little to other possibilities. Maybe it's just me, but because lately I've been trying to really know myself, the question "who am I" comes up. How many people can answer that question fully? How many people in their 20's can say that they know who they want to be in life?or what they know what they want to achieve? Not me. I certainly have an idea, but I still have a lot more research to do about the choices I've made, and why I like the things I like. I want to know what defines me, and why I think the way I think. Maybe I'm going too in depth, but those are some of the things that have been circling my mind.
The freedom part is usually what most young adults look forward to, but often we don't think about the responsibilities and struggles that go hand in hand. All I keep thinking is that soon I'll have to make bigger decisions and they'll impact my entire life. It frightens me a little. Like moving into my first house, alone, paying bills, and being in charge of all things that adults do. Getting a job, which will most likely take up my entire day and free time. The fear of having dreams and goals ripped away because I've finally hit reality, or having to seriously put yourself out there in order to achieve those dreams and goals. But I also have a lot of hope and faith to go around. God is in control and everything will be alright.
Getting older is just a part of life, there's nothing I can do about that. However, I do have control over how I want spend my life and what kind of person I want to be.
I've decided I want a joyful, peaceful, and awesome life. And I want to be kind, respectful, loving, caring, and just a light in the world. Those things I choose to be, daily, even if the world around me isn't as kind.
The year before I become 21 there will be many trials and errors as I become more independent and head out to the world.
I have a few things that I really want to do at this age, like:
Learn how to cook, eat healthier, exercise more, learn how to pay my bills on time, and keep up to date with my finances, manage my time better, pass all my classes, clean more, read more, write more, speak up more, get my license, learn how to learn from failures, read my Bible more, pray more, apply to great jobs that will help me in my career, travel, spread my wings a bit, and much more.
I live and I learn from experience. One thing I don't want to forget is that it's wonderful that I'm only turning 20. I am still very young, which is awesome, but also that I made it past my teen years, without anything major happening to me and with an exciting and hopeful future.
I'm heading into a new age of more responsibility, hard work, and freedom.The 20's. And with that comes happiness, fear, excitement, wonder, hopefulness...
It can be awesome! There's a whole world out there to experience, people to meet, things to learn, and places to travel! It's a big world with a lot of beautiful places, that I've never seen, or even heard about. It's exciting that now I can exercise my freedom of choice more and I can explore freely without having to be home at a certain time, (even though I still want to be home at a certain time).
It's an age where a lot of questions come up; I call it an identity crisis, that's the way it seems. I want to know more about the world, and about myself and gain a lot of knowledge, because knowledge is power.
The mind opens up a little to other possibilities. Maybe it's just me, but because lately I've been trying to really know myself, the question "who am I" comes up. How many people can answer that question fully? How many people in their 20's can say that they know who they want to be in life?or what they know what they want to achieve? Not me. I certainly have an idea, but I still have a lot more research to do about the choices I've made, and why I like the things I like. I want to know what defines me, and why I think the way I think. Maybe I'm going too in depth, but those are some of the things that have been circling my mind.
The freedom part is usually what most young adults look forward to, but often we don't think about the responsibilities and struggles that go hand in hand. All I keep thinking is that soon I'll have to make bigger decisions and they'll impact my entire life. It frightens me a little. Like moving into my first house, alone, paying bills, and being in charge of all things that adults do. Getting a job, which will most likely take up my entire day and free time. The fear of having dreams and goals ripped away because I've finally hit reality, or having to seriously put yourself out there in order to achieve those dreams and goals. But I also have a lot of hope and faith to go around. God is in control and everything will be alright.
Getting older is just a part of life, there's nothing I can do about that. However, I do have control over how I want spend my life and what kind of person I want to be.
I've decided I want a joyful, peaceful, and awesome life. And I want to be kind, respectful, loving, caring, and just a light in the world. Those things I choose to be, daily, even if the world around me isn't as kind.
The year before I become 21 there will be many trials and errors as I become more independent and head out to the world.
I have a few things that I really want to do at this age, like:
Learn how to cook, eat healthier, exercise more, learn how to pay my bills on time, and keep up to date with my finances, manage my time better, pass all my classes, clean more, read more, write more, speak up more, get my license, learn how to learn from failures, read my Bible more, pray more, apply to great jobs that will help me in my career, travel, spread my wings a bit, and much more.
I live and I learn from experience. One thing I don't want to forget is that it's wonderful that I'm only turning 20. I am still very young, which is awesome, but also that I made it past my teen years, without anything major happening to me and with an exciting and hopeful future.
Friday, October 04, 2013
Family Alter
“This family meeting was called for a reason,” said my aunt Mari, ” everyone please take a seat, and quiet down the kids, please”
My aunt never spoke English, not that she could anyways, and I hardly speak Spanish but still I can hear the authority in her words when she spoke to all of my family. Already I was sitting quietly with my cousin Alina, watching as my mom, her two sisters and her older brother followed the orders of their older sister.
My cousin quiet down her younger brother and sister and my aunt started speaking again.
“Now there are some things that we need to clear up in this family, because there are too many rumors and ‘he says, she says’ getting in the way of our relationship-”
“Yes, and now that you’re here we can speak about those rumors” My aunt Luz interrupted. “because I want to get it out there that I didn’t say or do anything to hurt you or your daughter, you know I really loved your daughter and with any situation involving my son, your daughter, and anyone else, I never got involved.-“
“Okay, I’m going to get to that in second.”
“ah, okay, I was just saying.”
“- So as a family we’re supposed to be united. That means we can’t be one over here and one over there to then get together only when there’s drinking involved. Some people do not drink and we need to find time to find each other.”
I agreed with everything she said. Honestly, I had noticed that as well, my mothers’ side of the family likes to drink a lot. I always thought it was a mixture of their hurtful childhood and their stressful adulthood that leads them to their first few drinks, and after a while it just becomes like a sinful habit.
Unfortunately my mom is the youngest of her siblings, and her childhood was probably the worst, little by little I get stories out of her, about her past and so far what I know is that my grandmother had fourteen children and out of those fourteen children she had only abandoned my mother. Even though Mari and her oldest sister, Angelica, took her in, my mother couldn’t help herself but to feel abandoned. Which affects a lot of things in her life still to this day, as an adult, in her social life, in relationships, and even as a mother.
“Me being the way I am, which is a real family person, I have never liked it, and still do not like it, when the family is separated.” Mari said. She spoke with wisdom, my aunt, or so I thought at that moment. I could not have said that any better. And I was actually not expecting to hear something like that come out of my aunt’s mouth.
This aunt, I never really knew. In fact she didn’t even recognize me when my mother and I walked into the small apartment. We were coming from Sunday church service and she asked who was I and my mother had to tell her who my father was for her to remember.
I wasn’t surprised; I’m already used to the family being “separated”, as she said. Most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, I hardly know. Like many families, we meet up during thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years, and ask many questions about each other’s life, catch up, get some family members addresses and phone numbers, drink, dance and party, and then do the same again next year.
But this aunt I don’t remember meeting, she spoke like if she was the oldest, but she was the middle child, and as soon as I met her though, I smiled, I was amazed at how much she looked like my mother, I mean they are sisters, but the similarities were unexpected. Her eyes, her skin, and her smile even her laughter reminded me of my mother.
“It really hurt me when my daughter was in her dying bed and she wouldn’t forgive her cousins for what they said about her. And I would tell her please, just call them and talk about it but she was so stubborn, angry and hurt that she was holding on to it still in her death bed.” At that point of the conversation I had no idea what she was talking about. I’m a part of the separated. So I had no idea we had family drama in my family. But I was quickly learning that we did, and not everyone was involved but everyone was affected.
“I was praying for my daughter and thank God, she got to speak to them before she died. And things were resolved with them after a while, but there’s still tension in the family and other rumors that need to be addressed.”
For the next half hour, they spoke and apologized to each other about the past and the present. She asked if anyone else had something to bring up, and my uncle, the only male in the room, hadn’t said anything at all, except “yeah, I agree.” They said he’s such a guy; he never has anything to say. They laughed and ate and were a very united family for the rest of the evening. My mother and all her sisters left together and then got on the bus together, something I never witnessed before. I started to see change already.
But my mind was stuck and enlightened as soon as she mentioned God. I began to realize why I was so amazed by my family having this meeting, why my aunt seemed to speak with such wisdom and authority. And why it really touched my heart to over here this conversation. I technically just met my aunt Mari, but the more she said the more I loved her. She opened up her heart to her family. She praised and thanked God for her family, and when the meeting was over we hung out for a little, then before we left she asked that we get in a circle and pray.
.. And pray.
Three of my aunts were God fearing women, and my mother and my aunt Luz, I believe, are starting to come around the corner, because their actually accepting to come to church with us on Sundays and not arguing when we want to read the Bible together unlike other times.
I thought about how many times my sisters and I would go to church services that would talk about families being unbreakable, and how the family needs to create a family altar, praying and worshiping together, to stand strong in faith and in our relationship. We prayed for our family a lot, mostly our immediate family though. And God made a promise to us that he was going to save my mother.
Now I feel like we had put limits on God a bit because we weren’t thinking about our entire family when we prayed. But in the bible I remember reading if someone in the family is called, then the entire family is called. And I was stunned and amazed at the fact that I was witnessing God’s promise being fulfilled. We had our first family alter in that living room on that Sunday morning after church. And I’m pretty sure there’s many more to come.
My aunt never spoke English, not that she could anyways, and I hardly speak Spanish but still I can hear the authority in her words when she spoke to all of my family. Already I was sitting quietly with my cousin Alina, watching as my mom, her two sisters and her older brother followed the orders of their older sister.
My cousin quiet down her younger brother and sister and my aunt started speaking again.
“Now there are some things that we need to clear up in this family, because there are too many rumors and ‘he says, she says’ getting in the way of our relationship-”
“Yes, and now that you’re here we can speak about those rumors” My aunt Luz interrupted. “because I want to get it out there that I didn’t say or do anything to hurt you or your daughter, you know I really loved your daughter and with any situation involving my son, your daughter, and anyone else, I never got involved.-“
“Okay, I’m going to get to that in second.”
“ah, okay, I was just saying.”
“- So as a family we’re supposed to be united. That means we can’t be one over here and one over there to then get together only when there’s drinking involved. Some people do not drink and we need to find time to find each other.”
I agreed with everything she said. Honestly, I had noticed that as well, my mothers’ side of the family likes to drink a lot. I always thought it was a mixture of their hurtful childhood and their stressful adulthood that leads them to their first few drinks, and after a while it just becomes like a sinful habit.
Unfortunately my mom is the youngest of her siblings, and her childhood was probably the worst, little by little I get stories out of her, about her past and so far what I know is that my grandmother had fourteen children and out of those fourteen children she had only abandoned my mother. Even though Mari and her oldest sister, Angelica, took her in, my mother couldn’t help herself but to feel abandoned. Which affects a lot of things in her life still to this day, as an adult, in her social life, in relationships, and even as a mother.
“Me being the way I am, which is a real family person, I have never liked it, and still do not like it, when the family is separated.” Mari said. She spoke with wisdom, my aunt, or so I thought at that moment. I could not have said that any better. And I was actually not expecting to hear something like that come out of my aunt’s mouth.
This aunt, I never really knew. In fact she didn’t even recognize me when my mother and I walked into the small apartment. We were coming from Sunday church service and she asked who was I and my mother had to tell her who my father was for her to remember.
I wasn’t surprised; I’m already used to the family being “separated”, as she said. Most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, I hardly know. Like many families, we meet up during thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years, and ask many questions about each other’s life, catch up, get some family members addresses and phone numbers, drink, dance and party, and then do the same again next year.
But this aunt I don’t remember meeting, she spoke like if she was the oldest, but she was the middle child, and as soon as I met her though, I smiled, I was amazed at how much she looked like my mother, I mean they are sisters, but the similarities were unexpected. Her eyes, her skin, and her smile even her laughter reminded me of my mother.
“It really hurt me when my daughter was in her dying bed and she wouldn’t forgive her cousins for what they said about her. And I would tell her please, just call them and talk about it but she was so stubborn, angry and hurt that she was holding on to it still in her death bed.” At that point of the conversation I had no idea what she was talking about. I’m a part of the separated. So I had no idea we had family drama in my family. But I was quickly learning that we did, and not everyone was involved but everyone was affected.
“I was praying for my daughter and thank God, she got to speak to them before she died. And things were resolved with them after a while, but there’s still tension in the family and other rumors that need to be addressed.”
For the next half hour, they spoke and apologized to each other about the past and the present. She asked if anyone else had something to bring up, and my uncle, the only male in the room, hadn’t said anything at all, except “yeah, I agree.” They said he’s such a guy; he never has anything to say. They laughed and ate and were a very united family for the rest of the evening. My mother and all her sisters left together and then got on the bus together, something I never witnessed before. I started to see change already.
But my mind was stuck and enlightened as soon as she mentioned God. I began to realize why I was so amazed by my family having this meeting, why my aunt seemed to speak with such wisdom and authority. And why it really touched my heart to over here this conversation. I technically just met my aunt Mari, but the more she said the more I loved her. She opened up her heart to her family. She praised and thanked God for her family, and when the meeting was over we hung out for a little, then before we left she asked that we get in a circle and pray.
.. And pray.
Three of my aunts were God fearing women, and my mother and my aunt Luz, I believe, are starting to come around the corner, because their actually accepting to come to church with us on Sundays and not arguing when we want to read the Bible together unlike other times.
I thought about how many times my sisters and I would go to church services that would talk about families being unbreakable, and how the family needs to create a family altar, praying and worshiping together, to stand strong in faith and in our relationship. We prayed for our family a lot, mostly our immediate family though. And God made a promise to us that he was going to save my mother.
Now I feel like we had put limits on God a bit because we weren’t thinking about our entire family when we prayed. But in the bible I remember reading if someone in the family is called, then the entire family is called. And I was stunned and amazed at the fact that I was witnessing God’s promise being fulfilled. We had our first family alter in that living room on that Sunday morning after church. And I’m pretty sure there’s many more to come.
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