Leaving my teenage years behind is a little emotional.
I'm heading into a new age of more responsibility, hard work, and freedom.The 20's. And with that comes happiness, fear, excitement, wonder, hopefulness...
It can be awesome! There's a whole world out there to experience, people to meet, things to learn, and places to travel! It's a big world with a lot of beautiful places, that I've never seen, or even heard about. It's exciting that now I can exercise my freedom of choice more and I can explore freely without having to be home at a certain time, (even though I still want to be home at a certain time).
It's an age where a lot of questions come up; I call it an identity crisis, that's the way it seems. I want to know more about the world, and about myself and gain a lot of knowledge, because knowledge is power.
The mind opens up a little to other possibilities. Maybe it's just me, but because lately I've been trying to really know myself, the question "who am I" comes up. How many people can answer that question fully? How many people in their 20's can say that they know who they want to be in life?or what they know what they want to achieve? Not me. I certainly have an idea, but I still have a lot more research to do about the choices I've made, and why I like the things I like. I want to know what defines me, and why I think the way I think. Maybe I'm going too in depth, but those are some of the things that have been circling my mind.
The freedom part is usually what most young adults look forward to, but often we don't think about the responsibilities and struggles that go hand in hand. All I keep thinking is that soon I'll have to make bigger decisions and they'll impact my entire life. It frightens me a little. Like moving into my first house, alone, paying bills, and being in charge of all things that adults do. Getting a job, which will most likely take up my entire day and free time. The fear of having dreams and goals ripped away because I've finally hit reality, or having to seriously put yourself out there in order to achieve those dreams and goals. But I also have a lot of hope and faith to go around. God is in control and everything will be alright.
Getting older is just a part of life, there's nothing I can do about that. However, I do have control over how I want spend my life and what kind of person I want to be.
I've decided I want a joyful, peaceful, and awesome life. And I want to be kind, respectful, loving, caring, and just a light in the world. Those things I choose to be, daily, even if the world around me isn't as kind.
The year before I become 21 there will be many trials and errors as I become more independent and head out to the world.
I have a few things that I really want to do at this age, like:
Learn how to cook, eat healthier, exercise more, learn how to pay my bills on time, and keep up to date with my finances, manage my time better, pass all my classes, clean more, read more, write more, speak up more, get my license, learn how to learn from failures, read my Bible more, pray more, apply to great jobs that will help me in my career, travel, spread my wings a bit, and much more.
I live and I learn from experience. One thing I don't want to forget is that it's wonderful that I'm only turning 20. I am still very young, which is awesome, but also that I made it past my teen years, without anything major happening to me and with an exciting and hopeful future.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Friday, October 04, 2013
Family Alter
“This family meeting was called for a reason,” said my aunt Mari, ” everyone please take a seat, and quiet down the kids, please”
My aunt never spoke English, not that she could anyways, and I hardly speak Spanish but still I can hear the authority in her words when she spoke to all of my family. Already I was sitting quietly with my cousin Alina, watching as my mom, her two sisters and her older brother followed the orders of their older sister.
My cousin quiet down her younger brother and sister and my aunt started speaking again.
“Now there are some things that we need to clear up in this family, because there are too many rumors and ‘he says, she says’ getting in the way of our relationship-”
“Yes, and now that you’re here we can speak about those rumors” My aunt Luz interrupted. “because I want to get it out there that I didn’t say or do anything to hurt you or your daughter, you know I really loved your daughter and with any situation involving my son, your daughter, and anyone else, I never got involved.-“
“Okay, I’m going to get to that in second.”
“ah, okay, I was just saying.”
“- So as a family we’re supposed to be united. That means we can’t be one over here and one over there to then get together only when there’s drinking involved. Some people do not drink and we need to find time to find each other.”
I agreed with everything she said. Honestly, I had noticed that as well, my mothers’ side of the family likes to drink a lot. I always thought it was a mixture of their hurtful childhood and their stressful adulthood that leads them to their first few drinks, and after a while it just becomes like a sinful habit.
Unfortunately my mom is the youngest of her siblings, and her childhood was probably the worst, little by little I get stories out of her, about her past and so far what I know is that my grandmother had fourteen children and out of those fourteen children she had only abandoned my mother. Even though Mari and her oldest sister, Angelica, took her in, my mother couldn’t help herself but to feel abandoned. Which affects a lot of things in her life still to this day, as an adult, in her social life, in relationships, and even as a mother.
“Me being the way I am, which is a real family person, I have never liked it, and still do not like it, when the family is separated.” Mari said. She spoke with wisdom, my aunt, or so I thought at that moment. I could not have said that any better. And I was actually not expecting to hear something like that come out of my aunt’s mouth.
This aunt, I never really knew. In fact she didn’t even recognize me when my mother and I walked into the small apartment. We were coming from Sunday church service and she asked who was I and my mother had to tell her who my father was for her to remember.
I wasn’t surprised; I’m already used to the family being “separated”, as she said. Most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, I hardly know. Like many families, we meet up during thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years, and ask many questions about each other’s life, catch up, get some family members addresses and phone numbers, drink, dance and party, and then do the same again next year.
But this aunt I don’t remember meeting, she spoke like if she was the oldest, but she was the middle child, and as soon as I met her though, I smiled, I was amazed at how much she looked like my mother, I mean they are sisters, but the similarities were unexpected. Her eyes, her skin, and her smile even her laughter reminded me of my mother.
“It really hurt me when my daughter was in her dying bed and she wouldn’t forgive her cousins for what they said about her. And I would tell her please, just call them and talk about it but she was so stubborn, angry and hurt that she was holding on to it still in her death bed.” At that point of the conversation I had no idea what she was talking about. I’m a part of the separated. So I had no idea we had family drama in my family. But I was quickly learning that we did, and not everyone was involved but everyone was affected.
“I was praying for my daughter and thank God, she got to speak to them before she died. And things were resolved with them after a while, but there’s still tension in the family and other rumors that need to be addressed.”
For the next half hour, they spoke and apologized to each other about the past and the present. She asked if anyone else had something to bring up, and my uncle, the only male in the room, hadn’t said anything at all, except “yeah, I agree.” They said he’s such a guy; he never has anything to say. They laughed and ate and were a very united family for the rest of the evening. My mother and all her sisters left together and then got on the bus together, something I never witnessed before. I started to see change already.
But my mind was stuck and enlightened as soon as she mentioned God. I began to realize why I was so amazed by my family having this meeting, why my aunt seemed to speak with such wisdom and authority. And why it really touched my heart to over here this conversation. I technically just met my aunt Mari, but the more she said the more I loved her. She opened up her heart to her family. She praised and thanked God for her family, and when the meeting was over we hung out for a little, then before we left she asked that we get in a circle and pray.
.. And pray.
Three of my aunts were God fearing women, and my mother and my aunt Luz, I believe, are starting to come around the corner, because their actually accepting to come to church with us on Sundays and not arguing when we want to read the Bible together unlike other times.
I thought about how many times my sisters and I would go to church services that would talk about families being unbreakable, and how the family needs to create a family altar, praying and worshiping together, to stand strong in faith and in our relationship. We prayed for our family a lot, mostly our immediate family though. And God made a promise to us that he was going to save my mother.
Now I feel like we had put limits on God a bit because we weren’t thinking about our entire family when we prayed. But in the bible I remember reading if someone in the family is called, then the entire family is called. And I was stunned and amazed at the fact that I was witnessing God’s promise being fulfilled. We had our first family alter in that living room on that Sunday morning after church. And I’m pretty sure there’s many more to come.
My aunt never spoke English, not that she could anyways, and I hardly speak Spanish but still I can hear the authority in her words when she spoke to all of my family. Already I was sitting quietly with my cousin Alina, watching as my mom, her two sisters and her older brother followed the orders of their older sister.
My cousin quiet down her younger brother and sister and my aunt started speaking again.
“Now there are some things that we need to clear up in this family, because there are too many rumors and ‘he says, she says’ getting in the way of our relationship-”
“Yes, and now that you’re here we can speak about those rumors” My aunt Luz interrupted. “because I want to get it out there that I didn’t say or do anything to hurt you or your daughter, you know I really loved your daughter and with any situation involving my son, your daughter, and anyone else, I never got involved.-“
“Okay, I’m going to get to that in second.”
“ah, okay, I was just saying.”
“- So as a family we’re supposed to be united. That means we can’t be one over here and one over there to then get together only when there’s drinking involved. Some people do not drink and we need to find time to find each other.”
I agreed with everything she said. Honestly, I had noticed that as well, my mothers’ side of the family likes to drink a lot. I always thought it was a mixture of their hurtful childhood and their stressful adulthood that leads them to their first few drinks, and after a while it just becomes like a sinful habit.
Unfortunately my mom is the youngest of her siblings, and her childhood was probably the worst, little by little I get stories out of her, about her past and so far what I know is that my grandmother had fourteen children and out of those fourteen children she had only abandoned my mother. Even though Mari and her oldest sister, Angelica, took her in, my mother couldn’t help herself but to feel abandoned. Which affects a lot of things in her life still to this day, as an adult, in her social life, in relationships, and even as a mother.
“Me being the way I am, which is a real family person, I have never liked it, and still do not like it, when the family is separated.” Mari said. She spoke with wisdom, my aunt, or so I thought at that moment. I could not have said that any better. And I was actually not expecting to hear something like that come out of my aunt’s mouth.
This aunt, I never really knew. In fact she didn’t even recognize me when my mother and I walked into the small apartment. We were coming from Sunday church service and she asked who was I and my mother had to tell her who my father was for her to remember.
I wasn’t surprised; I’m already used to the family being “separated”, as she said. Most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, I hardly know. Like many families, we meet up during thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years, and ask many questions about each other’s life, catch up, get some family members addresses and phone numbers, drink, dance and party, and then do the same again next year.
But this aunt I don’t remember meeting, she spoke like if she was the oldest, but she was the middle child, and as soon as I met her though, I smiled, I was amazed at how much she looked like my mother, I mean they are sisters, but the similarities were unexpected. Her eyes, her skin, and her smile even her laughter reminded me of my mother.
“It really hurt me when my daughter was in her dying bed and she wouldn’t forgive her cousins for what they said about her. And I would tell her please, just call them and talk about it but she was so stubborn, angry and hurt that she was holding on to it still in her death bed.” At that point of the conversation I had no idea what she was talking about. I’m a part of the separated. So I had no idea we had family drama in my family. But I was quickly learning that we did, and not everyone was involved but everyone was affected.
“I was praying for my daughter and thank God, she got to speak to them before she died. And things were resolved with them after a while, but there’s still tension in the family and other rumors that need to be addressed.”
For the next half hour, they spoke and apologized to each other about the past and the present. She asked if anyone else had something to bring up, and my uncle, the only male in the room, hadn’t said anything at all, except “yeah, I agree.” They said he’s such a guy; he never has anything to say. They laughed and ate and were a very united family for the rest of the evening. My mother and all her sisters left together and then got on the bus together, something I never witnessed before. I started to see change already.
But my mind was stuck and enlightened as soon as she mentioned God. I began to realize why I was so amazed by my family having this meeting, why my aunt seemed to speak with such wisdom and authority. And why it really touched my heart to over here this conversation. I technically just met my aunt Mari, but the more she said the more I loved her. She opened up her heart to her family. She praised and thanked God for her family, and when the meeting was over we hung out for a little, then before we left she asked that we get in a circle and pray.
.. And pray.
Three of my aunts were God fearing women, and my mother and my aunt Luz, I believe, are starting to come around the corner, because their actually accepting to come to church with us on Sundays and not arguing when we want to read the Bible together unlike other times.
I thought about how many times my sisters and I would go to church services that would talk about families being unbreakable, and how the family needs to create a family altar, praying and worshiping together, to stand strong in faith and in our relationship. We prayed for our family a lot, mostly our immediate family though. And God made a promise to us that he was going to save my mother.
Now I feel like we had put limits on God a bit because we weren’t thinking about our entire family when we prayed. But in the bible I remember reading if someone in the family is called, then the entire family is called. And I was stunned and amazed at the fact that I was witnessing God’s promise being fulfilled. We had our first family alter in that living room on that Sunday morning after church. And I’m pretty sure there’s many more to come.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Hillsong NYC Conncet Groups
If you haven't heard of Hillsong nyc church, (Welcome home!), and you live in NYC please look them up, their Sunday services are held on 14st. I really encourage you to go but I you have than I encourage you even more to join a connect group. <3Join a group where you feel comfortable to speak up, to talk about God, to pray freely, and where you feel you can relate to others. I wish you guys could feel how much love I feel when I enter their home, its just amazing.
The connect groups aren't just bible study they're a chance to connect, of course, but also to encouraged you in your faith. You can gain new relationships and friendships and I love the one I go to because it feels like a sisterhood, and a place that I can make some really great girl friends. (even though its in another borough, an hour away) :/.
Connect group meeting tonight was awesome. (Our group in Astoria, Queens is all woman, so I met a lot of great woman). And unfortunately my memory eludes me on some of their names.
I'm so thankful that I can truly say that they're a great set of woman that encourage and motivate me to just be an amazing woman of God. I love the feeling that I get when I'm around them. I feel like I belong there and like Jesus is going to use them to help me brake old habits. While helping me to add good new habits, unfailing faith and so many other things.
This was my second time attending a connect group, I met Kendall in a Hillsong service were they gave us "4 minutes of fellowship" and we connected and she told me about the new connect group that she and her roommate were having. I really liked her right away. I had been trying to go to one by where I live for a long time but I didn't know anyone yet so I didn't want to go on my own.
But since I met Kendall, I took a chance and went, and I'm grateful I did because I got a chance to meet some wonderful woman of GOD! :) I'm excited to see how God moves within us, and how we will be helping each other become strong leaders in our communities embodying God's grace, love, and strength.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Hillsong service- I'm searching for a real love
Hillsong NYC
Sunday 9pm service
June 9, 2013
Some words you have to be careful when you say them because people can take it the wrong way.
( When you're married be careful what you say)
One word that has been misused is LOVE !
It has been changed around in our community and now people are trying to find the wrong things and love in all the wrong places.
The search could be over if they'd figure out that LOVE is a PERSON, Jesus Christ.
" I found true love when I found the creator of the universe who accepted me the way I was and loved me too much to leave me like that."
REAL LOVE REVELATION :
You cannot GIVE the love of God (the reason you're on this earth), and
you cannot SHOW the love of God (the reason you're in NY)
if you have not experienced his love than you can't show it.
" The one that Jesus loved." (I cannot be moved)
The writer of John wrote that in 3rd person.
Confidence and security in God's love for him, something that this world cannot give you.
How free it is to live with that Security of how much Jesus loves YOU. you can go out and do things and even if you lose, it's okay because Jesus already won the fight.
At the end of the day you live for the pleasure and journey of one, Jesus.
"Everything around me can be breaking down but my God is immovable!"
Do you have faith that God can throw you so far into things and still be there to catch you?
If you go out in faith and have confidence because your God is the king of heaven and all things, than you wouldn't worry or fear but have faith in him.
REAL LOVE:
17-20 “That brought him to his senses. He said, ‘All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. I’m going back to my father. I’ll say to him, Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand.’ He got right up and went home to his father.
20-21 “When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: ‘Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son ever again.’
22-24 “But the father wasn’t listening. He was calling to the servants, ‘Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We’re going to feast! We’re going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!’ And they began to have a wonderful time.
31-32 “His father said, ‘Son, you don’t understand. You’re with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he’s alive! He was lost, and he’s found!'"
Better to be a no name servant in the kingdom of God than a famous wealthy person in the world.
REAL LOVE:
A son who went to "Vegas" lost it all and came back to his father and his dad didn't see any of that, he was just happy his son was back.
" I know the plans I have for you" - guess what? God's not done working in you.
- Believe that God looks at us like that. God is waiting, waiting, and waiting.
It's part of our calling also; to give and wait.
The son came back in his own time, he was at the bottom and came to his own senses. And he knew that his father was waiting for him.
Our job is to do what's right and sometimes wait.
Real love will get us to wait it out.
Can you be the Christian that never turns the light off? Because Jesus never turned it off on us.
We can't loose anyone else to this mistaken word of love.
Being there and loving them at their worst and loving them at their best.
His real love has to get out to this city!
Sunday 9pm service
June 9, 2013
"I'm searching for a real love"
(My notes on Pastor Karl Lentz preaching) Enjoy!Some words you have to be careful when you say them because people can take it the wrong way.
( When you're married be careful what you say)
One word that has been misused is LOVE !
It has been changed around in our community and now people are trying to find the wrong things and love in all the wrong places.
The search could be over if they'd figure out that LOVE is a PERSON, Jesus Christ.
" I found true love when I found the creator of the universe who accepted me the way I was and loved me too much to leave me like that."
REAL LOVE REVELATION :
You cannot GIVE the love of God (the reason you're on this earth), and
you cannot SHOW the love of God (the reason you're in NY)
if you have not experienced his love than you can't show it.
John 20:1 (MSG)
20 1-2 Early in the morning on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and saw that the stone was moved away from the entrance. She ran at once to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, breathlessly panting, “They took the Master from the tomb. We don’t know where they’ve put him.”
" The one that Jesus loved." (I cannot be moved)
The writer of John wrote that in 3rd person.
Confidence and security in God's love for him, something that this world cannot give you.
How free it is to live with that Security of how much Jesus loves YOU. you can go out and do things and even if you lose, it's okay because Jesus already won the fight.
At the end of the day you live for the pleasure and journey of one, Jesus.
"Everything around me can be breaking down but my God is immovable!"
Do you have faith that God can throw you so far into things and still be there to catch you?
If you go out in faith and have confidence because your God is the king of heaven and all things, than you wouldn't worry or fear but have faith in him.
REAL LOVE:
Luke 15:11-32 (MSG)
The Story of the Lost Son
11-12 Then he said, “There was once a man who had two sons. The younger said to his father, ‘Father, I want right now what’s coming to me.’
12-16 “So the father divided the property between them. It wasn’t long before the younger son packed his bags and left for a distant country. There, undisciplined and dissipated, he wasted everything he had. After he had gone through all his money, there was a bad famine all through that country and he began to hurt. He signed on with a citizen there who assigned him to his fields to slop the pigs. He was so hungry he would have eaten the corncobs in the pig slop, but no one would give him any.17-20 “That brought him to his senses. He said, ‘All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. I’m going back to my father. I’ll say to him, Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand.’ He got right up and went home to his father.
20-21 “When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: ‘Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son ever again.’
22-24 “But the father wasn’t listening. He was calling to the servants, ‘Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We’re going to feast! We’re going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!’ And they began to have a wonderful time.
31-32 “His father said, ‘Son, you don’t understand. You’re with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he’s alive! He was lost, and he’s found!'"
Better to be a no name servant in the kingdom of God than a famous wealthy person in the world.
REAL LOVE:
A son who went to "Vegas" lost it all and came back to his father and his dad didn't see any of that, he was just happy his son was back.
1. Real love doesn't manipulate.
2. Real love Plans: Don't hope it happens, you PLAN for it to happen.
You think ahead and make a way." I know the plans I have for you" - guess what? God's not done working in you.
3. Real love waits : The Love of God is irrevocable.
Its always there when we want it. Something about the story, the son believed and knew that his dad was waiting for him and that he could go back home at any point in time.- Believe that God looks at us like that. God is waiting, waiting, and waiting.
It's part of our calling also; to give and wait.
The son came back in his own time, he was at the bottom and came to his own senses. And he knew that his father was waiting for him.
Our job is to do what's right and sometimes wait.
Real love will get us to wait it out.
Can you be the Christian that never turns the light off? Because Jesus never turned it off on us.
4. Real Love Runs: His love is relentless
We serve a God who fought for us. When you're confident in his love for you, you start doing things BECAUSE he loves you not because you're seeking it.We can't loose anyone else to this mistaken word of love.
Being there and loving them at their worst and loving them at their best.
His real love has to get out to this city!
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